Results and What Lies Ahead - Sept 25, 2014

Last Friday was a pivotal visit with my oncologist. She officially declared me done with chemo! My white blood counts have recovered enough that I can travel again, yeah! She also gave the ok to have my final reconstruction surgery, which is scheduled for mid-October. Oddly enough, she said I'm not recovered enough for a flu shot or any other immunizations right now (good thing we went to South Africa last year!)

 There were other parts of my visit that were a little more sobering. She asked about my chemo side effects and how I have been feeling. I shared that I've still been having a lot of muscle pain. I feel like I have lost my physical strength and have more fatigue now, after 3 weeks, than I had with any of the previous cycles. Even simple activities seem to tire me very quickly, I'm just not feeling like myself yet.

 She leaned over and gently said -"That's all the cumulative effects of the chemo you have been through. I hate to have to break this to you, but you won't fully feel like yourself for at least a year. It will take you that long for your body to recover from all the damage done by the chemo."

 Although I appreciated her honesty and tenderness, it was such a hard message to hear. I tried to be realistic and brave, to keep my focus on the information, but my emotions took over and the tears came quickly. I had read a lot about chemo and knew it would take time to heal, but when she said 'at least a year', I felt so disappointed. It's been so hard to go through all the treatments and I just want to be normal again. I don't want to wait another year to feel good again.

 After she let me have a moment to pull myself back together, we talked about my longer term treatment. Since my cancer is high grade, there is a high risk for recurrence, even though it was caught early. That is why I had to go through chemo, and why I will need to take medications for the next 5-10 years. Fortunately, my cancer is ER+, which means that a class of drugs called aromatase inhibitors are very effective at preventing any remaining cancer cells from growing in my body and coming back somewhere else.

 My doctor likes to be aggressive, so her plan is to start with the drug with the highest efficacy and see if I can tolerate it. If not, we will work down the list of other options. She walked through the side effects from this drug, that I need to watch for initially; muscle pain, fatigue, dizziness, hot flashes. Of course, I already have all those symptoms from chemo, so I'm not sure I would even notice.

Longer term, theses drugs block as much estrogen as possible in your system, so they have the effect of magnifying the worst symptoms of menopause; bone problems, weight gain, skin aging and dryness, and even heart problems. So, in addition to monitoring my cancer, I will be seeing my oncologist and/or primary care doctor every 3-4 months to make sure the drugs preventing cancer recurrence are not creating other serious health problems.

I have been very healthy my whole life. I have been consistent about annual checkups, regular exercise, healthy eating. As I look out over the next five years, it's hard not to feel overwhelmed by the meds, the tests, the doctor visits, the risks and even the financial impact all this could have on my life in the longer term. It's easy to let fear and worry, about all that could go wrong, all that could happen, creep into my thoughts.

 So, I pause... I breathe, I quietly remind myself that I can do this... if I just take it one day at a time. I can't know what the future may hold, I only have today.