Healing time

Its been awhile since I have updated this blog.  As I think back over the past week, I have done very little.  My primary work since May 5, my surgery date, has been simply to heal.  Its pretty mundane stuff, this cancer process.  Recovering from surgery is slow, small, and simple. My life has slid way down Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Instead of working toward the attributes of self actualization, I am completely focused on food, water, sleep and health.  The basic building blocks become everything, when you are recovering from a significant surgery. Making a positive impact in the bigger world, will just have to wait.

Over the past week, I have been consumed by the small stuff of life.  Friends from work have been sending food each night - so we have had to do very little cooking. My daughter and husband are caring for me and keeping the rest of the household in order. I have no responsibilities, no work to do, nothing to contribute.  So all my time has been spent on recovery.  One thing that means is lots of sleep - for sleep is where a lot of healing happens.  The first few days the pain was strong enough to wake me from sleep as soon as the medicines wore off.  Four hours was the duration of pain relief, so there were lots of afternoon naps and resting during the day to give me the needed sleep time for healing.

Then there were activities required by the doctors. We had a whole schedule for attending to all the medications for pain, for muscle spasms, for fighting infections.  I came home with two surgical drains to keep fluids from accumulating in my chest. The drains had to be emptied, measured, recorded, and reset several times a day. There were stretching exercises, but also a long list of things I could not do.  My right breast was removed, so my right arm not only hurt, but was not to be used for anything that could cause strain on my surgery site.  No lifting, no pushing, no pulling.  The hardest thing was to not use my right arm and hand to push myself up from bed or a chair.  Anything with force against that arm could open the sutures and require a trip to the ER.

When I am busy working full time and consumed with all the chores at home, I often wish for quiet time.  I yearn for moments to reflect and be still.  Now that I have nothing but time, I am restless and anxious to return to the busy schedule that I so often dread.  This past week, I have had to slow way down, to really pay attention to my body and the healing process. Being comfortable doing nothing does not come easy to me. As much as I want to get back to my normal routine, I feel the pain and the fatigue when I over do right now. The pain quickly reminds me that my healing requires stillness. So much lies ahead for me in this long cancer journey.  Learning to accept the quiet and to enjoy being patient and still, that is my lesson for this week in cancerland.