In The Now

I love to read. When I want to learn something new, when I want to escape into another place or time, or when something happens that I don't understand - I often turn to books.  Since my cancer diagnosis, I have read at least 20 books about breast cancer. (Reading list is a new page I will add to this blog).

I've read science, personal stories, doctors' guides and self help books to help me in my journey through breast cancer. They have all helped me in differing ways. The science of breast cancer books have helped my head in understanding this disease, making sense of the various processes I am going through, and in translating the language of cancer. The personal stories help my heart. Hearing real women share their decisions, the lessons they have learned and their personal journeys have helped prepare me for the emotional side of cancer treatment. It makes me feel less lonely to hear their voices.

The self help books I have been reading are not really about cancer. These have been my "go to" books for different challenges in my life. They help me relax during times of stress, center me when I am out of balance, relax, stretch, and eat right.

The most important lesson I have taken for cancer, through many of these 'go to' books, has been the reminder to be fully present - to live in the now. When I feel especially emotional or even depressed about all that is cancer, it's usually when I am looking ahead at the many doctors and chemo appointments, or worried about how long it will take for life to return to "normal".  This is not a process anyone can swallow in one bite. It's easy to worry about how hard things might be, instead of waiting to see how they really are.

When I am fully present, I enjoy the moments I am living. I focus on what is, not what might or might not be. I don't miss seeing the beautiful things around me, or the wonderful people supporting me. I can celebrate small and big improvements, moments where I feel strong and healthy, still. Life happens in the now. I can't afford to be distracted by things I can't control. I need to appreciate the moments in life as they happen, they are too precious to miss.